What is Your Attachment Style

What is Your Attachment Style?

Have you ever noticed how you react to love and intimacy in your relationships? Maybe you're someone who needs a lot of reassurance or, on the flip side, you're a bit uncomfortable with too much closeness. If you've wondered why you behave the way you do in relationships, understanding your attachment style might be the key.

Attachment theory, originally developed by psychologist John Bowlby, explains how the bond formed with our primary caregivers during childhood influences the way we relate to others as adults—especially in romantic relationships. Our attachment style can be secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, and it plays a significant role in how we communicate, cope with stress, and seek connection with partners.

Why Should You Care?
According to Attached, a book by Levine and Heller, recognizing your attachment style can be a game-changer when it comes to relationships. They argue that understanding your style—and your partner’s—can help improve communication, deepen intimacy, and prevent unnecessary drama. In fact, knowing whether you're securely attached or tend to pull away (or get clingy) can lead to healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Levine and Heller stress that once you understand your attachment style, you can identify your relationship patterns and make conscious decisions to break unhealthy cycles. For example, if you're anxiously attached, you might find yourself overthinking your partner’s every move or becoming overly dependent on their validation. If you're avoidant, you might push away when things get too close, even if you want connection.

So, What’s Your Attachment Style?
Take a moment to think about how you typically act in relationships. Do you feel comfortable with closeness, or do you keep your distance? Do you need lots of reassurance, or do you prefer to go it alone? There's no "right" or "wrong" style, but understanding where you fall can help you communicate better, set healthy boundaries, and avoid the common pitfalls many of us experience in love.

By being mindful of your attachment style, you’ll be in a better position to navigate your relationships with clarity and confidence—and that’s something we can all use!

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love.